The End

Finally made it home. Back in Indiana.

After the longest flight experience of my life, at 6:30pm Sunday November 20th, I arrived home to Indianapolis. Mom and T.J. picked me up and we had a delicious Dad-dinner waiting for us when we got home. I was in bed early that night and spent the day after just relaxing and getting unpacked. It was great to be home. Nothing had changed... it was as though I'd never left. I felt safe, happy, and comfortable.

Wednesday I drove to Indy to have lunch and coffee with my friends in the city. We had a great time and I realized how much I really had missed them. It felt wonderful to be back in my city, even though the weather was cold and rainy. Once again, it was as though my trip to Australia had all been a dream and everything was just as I'd left it.

Today I drove back to the airport to pick up my sister, K.C., who's home from college for Thanksgiving break. Mom, her, and I are going on a shopping trip this afternoon and also to the grocery to get food for tomorrow. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and some of our extended family will join us here at home for cooking, games, wine, and dinner. It will be a really nice time spent with an amazing family.

I'm surprised to be so happy, honestly. I guess I was expecting to really be a wreck when I got home to winter in Indiana... but it feels good to be here... just that... good. Laying around the house with Dusty & Stubby... watching TV with Dad... Dinner with the family... my favorite wine, my favorite food, my favorite coffee... its so comfortable here. A perfect home to come back to after such an adventure. I'm simply relaxing for now.

Next week I start back at Starbucks and soon we'll be preparing for the holidays. Need to start preparing for next semester as well... what exactly I'm doing is still up in the air. I have discussed other options with my parents, so, we'll see.

And so, it was the most amazing trip I could have wished for... far surpassing my expectations. The main thing I am taking from it is to continue taking risks... the risks I was always too afraid to take, for fear of failing. I want to continue taking these risks... continue putting myself out there... being vulnerable to a world I always hid from. I will get out of my comfort zone, and start trying new things more often.

This trip left me with a new outlook on life.. my life. I now feel as though the world is at my finger tips. I have access to it. I can take control of my own life now and do with it what I want... go where I want... make myself whoever I want. I don't have to just do what I can.. whatever's available. I can take control. Make my life what I want it be.

And of course the memories I made that will last a lifetime.

What about my plans now? I guess just keep working toward figuring out myself and my life. I still have a lot of figuring out to do before I know exactly what I want out of life. The main thing is, now, I'm not afraid to take action to discover that. I'm a writer at heart... I know that. Now the question is, where will that take me in the future... and how do I make a life for myself doing that.

This is the adventure of growing up... making those decisions which will lead your life down a certain path.. forever. Where do I want that path to go? That's what I'm working to discover.

And so, in this end, there is a beginning. The beginning of the rest of my life. I'm terrified, but excited, to see where I go and what I do. Wish me luck!

Last Day

Surreal. That’s the only word I can think of to describe how I feel right now.

Right now, on the plane from Sydney to L.A. The never-ending flight.

Its surreal… still I haven’t comprehended the fact that its over.. that I’ve left. I haven’t slept in 2 days, besides some dozing off here on the plane… and that’s not exactly helping me think clearly either. The last week is like a blur now… I must do my best to hold on to it.

Lot’s of BBQs, lots of time at the beach, and lots of time spent with friends. We knew they were our last days together, so we made the most of them and enjoyed every minute with each other. I also made sure to go to all my favorite places in Adelaide for the last time… Sumo Salad, the river, Rundle Mall, Central Market, my coffee shop, Cibo…

My last day was Saturday and my flight was leaving at 6am Sunday morning, so my friends and I just decided I may as well not sleep and then sleep on the plane. I woke up very early Saturday and packed up all my things… it was hard, packing up all my belongings.. taking the sheets off my bed.. packing up all my clothes.. my memories… it made it more real than before.

At 3pm I met up with Nina and Rene and Cibo for lunch and a coffee and we all brought our laptops so we could share photos and music. I was very emotional… walking down the streets I knew so well that I would never walk down again… spending time with my best friends I will probably not see again… and listening to the accents I will miss so much.

I was choked up the whole day, but the first time I really started losing it was after I ordered my coffee. All I had to say was “Hey, can I get a cappuccino?” and the barista asked me immediately where in America I was from. Its definitely not the first time I’ve said just 5 words and was immediately pinpointed as American.

He and I chatted for a few minutes and had a really nice conversation. As I took my coffee back to our table I realized how much I’m gonna miss that… having an accent… being interesting to people, different… and, again, just the way the Australians talk. Really. They could get away with anything I think.

All of a sudden as I sat down, tears filled my eyes and I realized how much I would truly miss Australia. Luckily Rene and Nina were there to cheer me up and assure me we were going to have a great last day together.

After our coffee date, I had to head home to finish up the rest of my packing before 6. One of our good friends, Martin, was having a farewell party/birthday party/BBQ thing for one last time all of us internationals would be together. Most of us are leaving between Sunday and Tuesday to go travel. We planned to spend the entire night together then I would leave straight after around 4:30 taking a cab with my friends Mark and Daniel who also had a flight at 6. So I had to be completely ready to go pretty much.

At 6pm the BBQ started at Urbanest. Everyone came. We all had wine, salads, and meat together… people were sharing stories and favorite memories… some exchanged photos. There were some gifts given, some tears shed, and many promises to meet up again later in life. Some people brought Australian flags they had bought and had everyone sign them with a silver marker... a really nice, inexpensive souvenir of our time here together.

I was kind of a wreck.. on the edge of losing it the entire evening. I couldn’t pretend that I was happy. Partially still in shock that it was our last time together, I was much quieter than usual and spent a little too much time standing off on the side of things just watching everyone together and being overwhelmed by the feelings I was feeling. It was too much.

At midnight the group of us sang Happy Birthday to Martin and presented him with a birthday cake, gifts, and a card we had all signed. I think most people at that moment found tears in their eyes.

After that all of us headed out to a nearby pub we go to a lot. For a while there, all of us dancing together, with the music filling our ears and the flashing rainbow lights, it felt like just another night… For as long as I could, I made myself forget we were all leaving.

After that, like I said, it’s a blur. Goodbyes… crying… long, tight hugs… it didn’t seem real. Each person I met here on this trip changed me, however significantly or insignificantly. I learned so much from all of them… about the world, and about myself. We experienced Australia together… we made memories together we will keep till we die. We bonded… helped each other… were each other’s families for a semester. Several of those goodbyes were some of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. It hurt SO badly. A hurt I’ve never felt before. Almost numbing.

At 4am I said my goodbyes. At 4:30 I was standing in front of the Village with my 2 humongous suitcases waiting for Daniel and Mark to arrive in the cab, and at 6am I was alone in a plane, watching the sunrise over Adelaide as we ascended higher and higher in the sky, farther and farther away. It was all so fast. All of it.

After suffering through the airport in Sydney, I barely made it to my Delta flight to L.A. Now I’m here on the plane heading back to the United States. I am really out of it… tried to sleep, unsuccessfully. Watched 3 movies already. Haven’t moved a muscle in 10 hours… and I don’t really want to dwell too much on the pain of last night.

Once I get to L.A. I have to catch my flight to Atlanta where I will be stuck for 4  hours, then, finally, will catch my flight to Indy. Then, finally back home.

One Week

One of the things I’ll miss the most here are the iced coffees.

Here, they are so much more than just iced… coffee. I remember the first time I got one… I thought they’d made some kind of mistake. The sweet, creamy drink in front of me, topped off with vanilla ice cream and sprinkled with chocolate and espresso powder was like no iced coffee I’d ever seen before. To my surprise, it wasn’t a mistake… in fact, that’s just how they do an iced coffee here. Not even just at one café… but all of them.

Over the last several months, I’ve had many iced coffees. And I’ve savored every one. Cold.. milky coffee, with just the right amount of sweet. The first thing to do is always eat the ice cream on top… honey sweet vanilla taste, perfectly accenting the slightly bitter espresso flavor of the coffee. Then, taking your time slowly sipping the remaining milk and coffee beverage… sugary and creamy, but still light enough so its not too rich… not too heavy.

I will miss them.

I think I’m good at that… savoring things. Enjoying small things in life and appreciating them. Rarely a moment goes by in my life that I’m not appreciating something beautiful, however small. The smell of the morning air.. the taste of my coffee.. the vibrant color of the sky or the trees or a flower. Maybe the feel of the breeze in my hair.. the sound of the city outside my window.. the fond touch of a friend.. the smell of a old lady’s floral perfume as she passes by.. a taste, a feeling, a scent, a sound.. its why I always feel as if I’m indulging myself too much in life.. because I am always savoring.. enjoying.. cherishing small things. I am always over-appreciating ordinary things in a way, I guess. For example, I don’t just drink a coffee… I breathe in the smell, sip it slowly.. I love it.. I love the whole experience of drinking that coffee. That’s how I think life should be lived.

But, though I’m good at enjoying a cup of coffee, I totally suck at things like saving money, studying.. being responsible in general..

But would I trade?

One week left in Australia. One week till I head home to Indiana. One week and my trip.. my adventure.. is over. Things haven’t been very exciting the past couple weeks because of exams. Everyone is busy studying, so we haven’t had much time to enjoy each other and our last weeks together. I’ve been down.. and nostalgic… the fact that I’m leaving so soon is always on my mind. I am always reminiscing about the past 5 months… and thinking about how far away home really seems. I really am looking forward to returning… back to my family and friends whom I’ve missed so dearly. Yet at the same time I wish I could stay. I’m not ready to call it the end… its hard to believe its over.

But I’ve come to accept it over the past week… accept that we’re all going our separate ways, and will probably never see each other again… will most likely never be in Australia again… its time for goodbyes and packing up. I’ll miss Australia. So much. I’ve fallen in love with this country… its way of life… its wildlife… its people… its accents. I would love to live here. I could definitely see myself settling down here someday. It’s the most wonderful, beautiful place I’ve ever been.

Anyway, one week left. I have one exam left on Tuesday… no plans otherwise. I will spend as much time as I can with my friends and will be visiting all my favorite places in Adelaide one last time. Of course taking photos. There will be some farewell parties next weekend for all of us internationals to say goodbye, and Sunday at 6am I will get on a plane and begin my 24-hour airport-adventure home. Adelaide to Sydney, Sydney to L.A., L.A. to Memphis, and, finally, back to Indy. Back to home. Just in time for Thanksgiving with my family. I will return to my job at Starbucks… I will meet up and catch up with all my friends… and will begin preparing for the holidays.

Until then, I am here in Australia, enjoying the summer heat and the sunshine while I can. One week left.

Less Than 3 Weeks to Go

Its been a strange past couple weeks.

And busy too.

Last week was, as I said, our last week of classes. Now we have 2 weeks to wrap up our studying, then exams. Things are quite different here in that we have a free week before exams begin simply for studying. Also, not all classes have exams. I only have one real exam to take, which is good, cuz I suck at test taking.

This past weekend was Halloween weekend and, to my dismay, I discovered that none of my friends actually celebrated Halloween back home (in Europe). They said that they had parties, but that no one actually really dresses up. In Australia though, turns out, people do dress up. I asked a friend if they do trick-or-treating here and he said not really. Only in certain subdivisions where they organize it.

I did my best to persuade my friends to dress up with me and, though a few gave in and wore costumes, I was definitely one of the few who really dressed up to celebrate one of the BEST holidays ever.

Somehow over the weekend the little cold I had multiplied into a nasty case of bronchitis. The past few days I've been bed-ridden, drinking gallons of tea and sleeping 20 hours a day. Didn't feel like doing anything. Today I woke up feeling a little less like death and came to Uni to meet the girls for lunch by the river and do some studying at Aroma.

I say its been a strange couple weeks because of the effect the fact that I'm leaving soon has had on me. My initial reaction when I realized I was leaving in a month was sadness, but acceptance. I knew that the original plan was to have me come home November 20th and I couldn't ask for anything more from my parents after all they've done for me. I guess it just kind of came as a shock because I didn't realize how soon that actually was. Before mid-semester break, I had heaps of time left. I always had heaps of time left. Then when I came home from the Outback and someone pointed out I had a mere 5 weeks left in Australia, I was kind of speechless.

I feel as though I just really started my life here... and its already coming to an end.

Since then I feel as if I've been in a kind of trance... drifting through the last couple weeks in a daze... wondering where the time went... wondering how it could possibly be over.... wondering if I want to stay... or if I want to go...

I wonder if I'm ready to go home. I wonder if I even want to go home.

I've come to love this place. And though I know its not my home, falling in love with it has been an experience of a lifetime. Coming to the end of this adventure is hard to face. Holed up in my room the past few days I've done a lot of thinking... a lot of pondering... about my life. About myself. Did I get what I wanted out of coming here? Have I changed? Grown? What have I learned?

And I realized, strangely enough, I feel the exact same. I feel like the same unstable, insecure, dependent girl I was when I arrived here so full of hope and potential. Am I wrong? Am I different? I can't tell. I guess only when I return home will I know if I truly have changed.. grown. If I got what I wanted to out of this trip.

Part of me wants to fully enjoy and make the most of my last few weeks here, but honestly, part of me just wants to curl up in a ball under my covers. I want to be happy and laugh with my wonderful friends and go for walks by the river in the sunshine and summer warmth and get ice cream at Rundle Mall... but how can I put on that mask when all I can think about is how these happy moments are counting down. How am I supposed to feel happy when all I can think about is that I'm leaving this place... these people. For good. And I'll never see them again.

I'm trying to be carefree and make these last few weeks days I'll remember... but when I find myself sitting there surrounded by people I've come to love, somehow I just want to cry.

I suppose its a transition. I feel I'll be having several of those for the next few weeks as I begin to pack up and, eventually, catch my flight back to the US and back to my home, family, and friends.

What will I be coming home to? A family that loves me... friends that have missed me... Thanksgiving... the holidays... back to my job at Starbucks... back to wintertime... back to Indy... back to America.

For now, I need to focus the best I can at the last of my assignments for this semester and trying not to think about the fact that I'm leaving soon. Gotta keep busy.

Kangaroo Island

Well this is it, the last week of classes. After this week is exams, then the semester is OVER.

This past weekend was really great. 42 of the International students had a trip to Kangaroo Island planned for the weekend and it ended up being a wonderful trip!

It was with a tour group, so it was all-inclusive and we had to amazing tour guides, Tony and Bob. We woke up early Friday and drove about an hour or 2 then took a ferry over to the island.

We spent Friday through Sunday there... stayed in a really nice hostel on the island and had a great time hiking, swimming, sand-boarding, exploring a cave, and seeing wild kangaroos, koalas, seals, etc.

Once again, my favorite part wasn't just the amazing views and wildlife, but also the companionship that comes along with a trip like this. It was the friendliest, most fun group of people I could ask for and we fully enjoyed each other's company and the experiences together.

We returned to reality late Sunday.. a newly close group of friends.. and with only one month left together.

Now I'm here, in my last week of classes and with an intense list of presentations, papers, and exams. On the one hand, its the time in the semester when our hardest, most important assignments are do... but on the other, it is my last month in Australia... my last month in this incredible, thrilling, beautiful, diverse, mysterious country... my last month with some of the most amazing people I've ever met... my last month before returning to Indiana... home. Where things are all the same, familiar, unchanging. When will I ever get the chance to be here again? When will I even have the chance to really travel again?? The time I've spent here has been one of the most enlightening, exciting, fun learning experiences of my life... and I am not ready for it to end. My time here is growing short, and I want to make the most of it.

Basically, my motivation is suffering, and with it, my sense of guilt is growing. Guilt because I simply cannot turn my focus to school and studying and assignments. Guilt because I only want to enjoy my last few weeks here. I suppose, as always, the completely unbalanced girl must find a balance.

I've spent the majority of this week working on a presentation I must do Thursday in my Passions course over the novel 'Sorry' by Gail Jones. Once that is done Thursday, I have to tackle a couple 3000-word papers, then prepare for my exam in my lit course. It will not be fun.

Otherwise, I'll be enjoying the warm weather and the last few weeks with my dear friends. Temperatures are in the 20's this week (70's) and will be only getting warmer, with summer beginning next month. Its strange to be wearing shorts and tank-tops in October! Halloween is this weekend and there are a couple Halloween parties we will go to dressed up in our costumes. Will be fun celebrating such a holiday here in Australia! After this weekend I have 3 full weeks left here. Though we don't have classes, we still have papers to do and exams in those weeks. But I will do my best to manage my time and spend as much of it as I can with my friends enjoying this city that has come to feel like home.

November 20th I will take my flight back to the US of A... back to Indy. Back to my family and friends and my Stubby. Back to Starbucks and driving and watching movies. Back home.

I have many mixed emotions right now.