Less Than 3 Weeks to Go

Its been a strange past couple weeks.

And busy too.

Last week was, as I said, our last week of classes. Now we have 2 weeks to wrap up our studying, then exams. Things are quite different here in that we have a free week before exams begin simply for studying. Also, not all classes have exams. I only have one real exam to take, which is good, cuz I suck at test taking.

This past weekend was Halloween weekend and, to my dismay, I discovered that none of my friends actually celebrated Halloween back home (in Europe). They said that they had parties, but that no one actually really dresses up. In Australia though, turns out, people do dress up. I asked a friend if they do trick-or-treating here and he said not really. Only in certain subdivisions where they organize it.

I did my best to persuade my friends to dress up with me and, though a few gave in and wore costumes, I was definitely one of the few who really dressed up to celebrate one of the BEST holidays ever.

Somehow over the weekend the little cold I had multiplied into a nasty case of bronchitis. The past few days I've been bed-ridden, drinking gallons of tea and sleeping 20 hours a day. Didn't feel like doing anything. Today I woke up feeling a little less like death and came to Uni to meet the girls for lunch by the river and do some studying at Aroma.

I say its been a strange couple weeks because of the effect the fact that I'm leaving soon has had on me. My initial reaction when I realized I was leaving in a month was sadness, but acceptance. I knew that the original plan was to have me come home November 20th and I couldn't ask for anything more from my parents after all they've done for me. I guess it just kind of came as a shock because I didn't realize how soon that actually was. Before mid-semester break, I had heaps of time left. I always had heaps of time left. Then when I came home from the Outback and someone pointed out I had a mere 5 weeks left in Australia, I was kind of speechless.

I feel as though I just really started my life here... and its already coming to an end.

Since then I feel as if I've been in a kind of trance... drifting through the last couple weeks in a daze... wondering where the time went... wondering how it could possibly be over.... wondering if I want to stay... or if I want to go...

I wonder if I'm ready to go home. I wonder if I even want to go home.

I've come to love this place. And though I know its not my home, falling in love with it has been an experience of a lifetime. Coming to the end of this adventure is hard to face. Holed up in my room the past few days I've done a lot of thinking... a lot of pondering... about my life. About myself. Did I get what I wanted out of coming here? Have I changed? Grown? What have I learned?

And I realized, strangely enough, I feel the exact same. I feel like the same unstable, insecure, dependent girl I was when I arrived here so full of hope and potential. Am I wrong? Am I different? I can't tell. I guess only when I return home will I know if I truly have changed.. grown. If I got what I wanted to out of this trip.

Part of me wants to fully enjoy and make the most of my last few weeks here, but honestly, part of me just wants to curl up in a ball under my covers. I want to be happy and laugh with my wonderful friends and go for walks by the river in the sunshine and summer warmth and get ice cream at Rundle Mall... but how can I put on that mask when all I can think about is how these happy moments are counting down. How am I supposed to feel happy when all I can think about is that I'm leaving this place... these people. For good. And I'll never see them again.

I'm trying to be carefree and make these last few weeks days I'll remember... but when I find myself sitting there surrounded by people I've come to love, somehow I just want to cry.

I suppose its a transition. I feel I'll be having several of those for the next few weeks as I begin to pack up and, eventually, catch my flight back to the US and back to my home, family, and friends.

What will I be coming home to? A family that loves me... friends that have missed me... Thanksgiving... the holidays... back to my job at Starbucks... back to wintertime... back to Indy... back to America.

For now, I need to focus the best I can at the last of my assignments for this semester and trying not to think about the fact that I'm leaving soon. Gotta keep busy.