Busy!

Its amazing how fast the weeks are going by.

This weekend was pretty relaxing. Friday Nina, Caroline, and I went to the beach again, but instead of Glenelg, we went to Henley beach this time. It was much prettier and less crowded. We explored, got lunch, and ice cream afterwards of course.

Nina, me, and Caroline at Henley Beach

Friday evening our friends Jeff and Lisa had a house warming BBQ that we all went to, then afterwards we took the bus back to the city and went to another International Party, themed Red and White Party, at an organized venue in the city.

On the bus back to the city

At the Red & White party

Saturday I had to run some errands and pick up some food at Coles. I didn’t have dinner plans so I decided to try cooking dinner for myself! I made spaghetti and it turned out pretty good! I was really proud of myself. That evening we hung out at a pub on Rundle Street called The Elephant. They had a live band and we had a really great night.

This week is another busy week. Thursday I have a big essay due in my Passions course. We are allowed to choose any work of literature assigned throughout the semester to write the essay on and have to consider the representation of an emotion in the works and explain its social consequences. I chose to do my essay over Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro. Need to be working on that! Also need to be preparing for next week in my Philosophy seminar. We are having a debate over Maes’ judgments on pure beauty vs. Davies, who believed in functional beauty. Along with the debate we will have in class, we have to turn in an essay as well. Like I said, should be a busy week!

Things are going very well though. Everything’s really smoothed over and everyone has gotten a routine of things by now. The weeks are kind of blurring together… Uni Monday through Thursday.. enjoying the weekend Friday & Saturday with my friends.. and Sunday, a chill day to relax and get caught up on homework. Comfort… familiarity… I’ve adjusted to life here. Still working on learning to balance school work and having fun, as well as budgeting money. Trying to eat out less and cook meals for myself more. But all in all, I feel as if I’ve grown an awfully lot the past couple months of being here on my own in Australia and I think I’ve come a long way. SO much learning here… in my classes, of course.. and also about other people.. about my country, the world… and about myself most of all. Its amazing, scary, and surprising getting a whole new perspective on your life when you go so far away on your own.

Me and my Stubby

The other day I was looking through old pictures… seeing the things that defined me so much. Pictures of my school, my home, my car, my Starbucks… my family… my cat… all my friends. Pictures of work, partying with my friends, celebrating holidays with my family, and hanging out on campus. All these things which define me… none of which are here with me now. It was strange… realizing everything I valued, loved, and defined myself by was so far from me now. I’m apart from all of it… my entire life that I’ve built up from childhood… my relationships, my school, my job, my home… My life! For a girl who’s never left home for more than 2 weeks, and being with my family even then, this is a crazy experience. I’ve never been at home anywhere else… I’ve never built friendships anywhere else… I’ve never had a LIFE anywhere else. And now I do. I can’t imagine how I will feel at the end of these 5 months… having to leave one home to return to the other… I think it will be very hard.

My international student friends

Anyhow, I need to be wrapping up. So much work to do!! Every day this week I will spend on my studies. Looking forward to some free time soon!

Been working on mid-semester break plans with some of my friends. We are planning to join a road trip from Darwin (far north Australia) down through the Red Centre and back down to Adelaide. Mid-semester break is the last week of September and the first week of October, and the trip will take up all 14 days! We will be camping and staying in hostels.. most meals are provided.. and we’ll be seeing the heart of Australia, including Uluru (Ayers Rock), Devils Marbles, Flinders Ranges, and Alice Springs. This is the link to the trip details: http://www.adventuretours.com.au/northern-territory/darwin-to-adelaide-safari

Alice Springs

It will definitely be an adventure! One I’m a little nervous about, but I think it will be just amazing.

Off to study. More to come soon!

Zungenkuß

This week we had a writing exercise. To write about something we felt passionately about.. within any area or topic. Simply anything in life we felt passion for, and to free-write on it. I wanted to share my explanation:

**********

Something I love... something I feel passionately about. Something everyone does, but not everyone appreciates. Something that doesn’t require money.. or much time.. or intelligence. Some are more skilled at it than others… but I believe that’s mainly because some respect the activity and others don’t. I love it.. respect it.. worship it. It is kissing.

Its such a small thing in life when you really look at it… a kiss… not like running a marathon or traveling to some foreign country. Its just 2 people sharing in a moment.. a moment of communicating something without words. Just your lips and theirs.. a quiet, intimate, lovely experience between 2 people. They usually care for each other to some degree and attraction is definitely involved. Overall, its an activity that’s easily forgotten or unappreciated. Its an activity some may rarely experience, or may not even truly understand.

Kisses come in a wide variety. They range from being the gentlest, tenderest, sweetest experience to one of passionate, violent, fiery desire. It is an expression. An expression of what one feels inside. A way for the emotion inside you to be expressed in a form other than through words. It is an expression of emotion physically.. whether it be an emotion based on love, lust, or anything in between. Whichever the case, it is meant to be a powerful, emotional, intimate experience shared between two people who want to be close to one another.

I believe a kiss begins in the eyes… you may be thinking about it long before it actually happens, but I think it’s the eye contact that actually sparks it. You can see it there… in their eyes. You can even feel it… pulling you in… like there’s a magnet inside you, triggered in that look.. that look that says “come closer”. Your body can’t resist it… it moves closer… as if you were under a spell. Your body needs theirs… your lips need theirs…

Next thing you know, your bodies are touching… arms wrapped around waist or neck… and your faces are so close, nearly touching. Its my favorite part here… the hesitation… right before your lips meet theirs… noses together, breathing them in… feeling their breath merging with yours… there’s no question at this point whether or not your lips will meet.. its just a question of how long you can resist it. You wait, both resisting making that last tiny move when your lips will finally touch.

Someone leans in the rest of the way… many times it is unclear who finally gave in, but it doesn’t matter. Lips meet lips and the feeling is electric… hearts racing, bodies holding tightly to each other.. warmth spreading throughout your body.. excitement.. pleasure.. from your head to your toes.. tingling deep in your stomach. Lips are soft and sweet.. gentle, but eager. A kiss is constantly changing.. rhythmically. Slow, fast.. teasing, demanding.. tender, rough.. up, down, on, off, in, out… like writing a song.. creating a melody, a rhythm, a perfect tune that flows smoothly between the two of you and consumes you together. 

Its more than just a physical experience though… I believe a kiss is like a gateway into a person. You can FEEL them.. TASTE them.. BREATHE them in.. TOUCH them, HOLD them.. LISTEN to the way their body speaks to you. You can fully experience a person through a kiss.. every sense stimulated by them, savoring them. The world around you disappears.. loses its meaning. The only purpose of your existence in that moment is fully embracing the experience of kissing that beautiful, unique, loving individual with you. Even your eyes are closed during a kiss… so that you can be fully blind to the rest of the world and all judgments sight allows, meant to only focus on the other senses.. the feel of your partner, the taste of them, the movement of their body, the feeling of their skin under your finger tips... your mind is blank, fuzzy.. drunk on the pleasure.. the sensuality… the pure bliss filling your heart and body… There is no better way to experience another person than through kissing them. Sharing in the most intimate experience two humans can feel together. Feeling so ALIVE together in that moment. That moment a connection is formed… a connection of hearts.. souls.. minds. They are a PART of you, and you a part of them. It is the ultimate vulnerability… reaching that level of intimacy with your partner. You are letting all guard down.. melting the walls you keep around your heart.. releasing your doubts and inhibitions and simply letting your lips take over. Kissing is about a loss of control… a fantastic, awesome, satisfying, thrilling loss of control.

It is also very important to experience a kiss just for what it is. There are those that “just kiss” with expectations for more. They participate in the “kiss” distracted and over-eager. This is not a kiss at all. One must kiss just for the kiss… nothing more. Embrace the kiss just for what it is… don’t think of what comes after or dwell on what came before. Let all expectations go.. let all thoughts drift away.. all doubts, all questions, disappear. For the entirety of the kiss, forget all else but fully experiencing your partner and his/her lips. You must let go of everything else. Simply BE only for the kiss.. live only for that moment.. only for that kiss… THAT is truly kissing.

Some people love horse-back riding passionately… others may just be obsessed with drawing or shopping… photography or playing ping pong. Let’s just say, we all have our passions and hobbies.. kissing is just one of mine. I see kissing as something beautiful.. meant to be shared and loved and cherished. I kiss only for that reason, to kiss.. without the expectations society has branded on it. A kiss does not need definition or limits… it is free. Some play basketball.. others dance. I.. well, I kiss.

**********

Week 7

Its been a week! Feels strange to have gone so long without blogging.. its definitely become a new hobby that I really enjoy. This past week I was very busy so I didn’t have any time to really sit down and reflect. I do like being busy… no time to sit down and dwell on things and feel stagnant… but I do not like being too busy for having my Me-Time. Its really important for me to have that time every so often to sit down and just write. If I don’t, I feel as if my thoughts are scrambled and unorganized and I get stressed out. Its that addictive part of my personality I guess… addicted to routine, addicted to habits, addicted to my Me-Time… if I go without it, I’m simply thrown off.

Anyhow, like I said, busy week last week… it’s now the 5^th week of classes and many due dates are springing up on me. I’m trying hard to stay motivated and work on my time management, but its very easy to get distracted and find other things to do instead of my homework. I’m trying my best to keep up and stay organized. I’ve discovered that most of my problem with getting things done is that I must be in a very particular environment to actually be productive. At home in my room I am unable to stay focused… its too quiet and empty. I find I work best at coffee shops or cafes… the atmosphere is buzzing and inviting, but not too loud and usually not too many distractions. Plus, I’m a coffee addict, and having a cup of coffee by my side and something to snack on always helps keep me going. I can spend hours sitting in a small café with my headphones in, sipping coffee and working at my own leisurely pace.

Anyhow, things are going very well, besides feeling somewhat overwhelmed about school. The weather is starting to warm up this week after a relatively cool weekend. It sunny with a high of about 70 degrees all week long! Not bad for winter! I guess it is nearly springtime here in Australia so it will only be getting warmer and the sun will be shining more from here on out! Yesterday was Sunday.. always a very quiet, laid back time here in Adelaide with most places being closed and not many people out. Caroline, Nina, and I decided to take the tram to Glenelg Beach again to catch the sunset. It was really relaxing… we chatted… got ice cream… and enjoyed the beautiful beach.

Me, Nina, and Caroline at Glenelg Beach

Caroline’s friend, Ray, joined us for a bit. He’s a tall, dark, and handsome guy from Brazil… very charming, but in a quiet, unobtrusive way. He was very sweet and humored us girls by taking many pictures of the 3 of us together. After the beautiful sunset, we were saying our goodbyes and Ray reached to shake my hand goodbye… I took his hand and shook it, as I always do… but as soon as I did Ray’s eyes got big and he laughed out loud. He commented on what a STRONG handshake I have and was pretty amused by it. I was embarrassed, but laughed as well. He took my hand again and turned it over so my hand was resting in his… His large hand cupped and supported mine as he gently squeezed and shook my hand. My hand felt delicate… feminine… far from the firm handshake I had done previously. It was a cultural experience for me… interesting to feel the difference of the greeting. The handshakes I’m used to seem to express equality and, though you are greeting the other person, there is a feeling of formalness. A handshake is distant compared to how many others here greet one another. Many of the international students here, most of whom are European, are accustomed to greeting with the double kiss on the cheeks. That has definitely taken some getting used to for me! It feels strange to greet people with such intimacy for me I guess.

Ray and Caroline

Anyways, now begins week 5 of classes and week 7 of being here in Adelaide. This morning I was up at 6am and at Uni by 7:30. I went to Aroma, the coffee shop on campus, and got breakfast and coffee before sitting down and finishing up some last minute preparations for a presentation I had at 11am in my philosophy seminar. In the seminar we are split into small groups of 5 or 6 and we each had to prepare a power point presentation on different parts of Kant’s Critique of Judgment. I had the Second Moment, sections 6-9 on the universality of beauty and the judgment of taste. I was very nervous to be speaking in front of my peers, but it wasn’t as bad because it was just in front of my group members and all of the groups did their presentations at the same time. Don’t know why I’m so terrible at public speaking… suppose its my lack of self-confidence. Even when I get called on in class, just to answer a question, my heart rate increases, my face turns bright red, and I start shaking. Sometimes I even have trouble getting the words out because I’m practically choking! I’m definitely NOT excited about doing so many presentations in each of my courses this semester.. but I suppose it’s a fear I should face and try to work on. I just wish I could go through life with NEVER having to stand up in front of people and talking… I’ll just write them all letters instead!

Lunch by the River Torrens

I feel much better now that its over with though… and I feel pretty confident I did well! After class I met up with Nana and Nina to go to the German Club meeting where we had some snacks and socialized with the rest of the club members for a bit. Around 2pm some of us decided to go get lunch from the David Jones food court and take it to eat my the river, since it was such a beautiful day. Ever since then we’ve been at the library and soon will take a break and head over to UniBar for a beer before heading home for the evening. It will be another busy week, but I feel as though I will stay on top of things better this week, after feeling so overwhelmed last week by waiting till the last minute. Time management. Gotta work on it.

Nina and Katrin at UniBar

Some good news.. I’ve been sticking with my quitting smoking! Its been a week now… its strange and really hard sometimes, but not as bad as I thought it’d be. I didn’t get headaches or feel any withdrawal symptoms that I noticed… it really is just the habit I was addicted to. Sometimes when I’m bored and have time to kill when I’m alone it’s the first thing I think to do… step outside for a smoke… and after meals its also the first thing you think about. I’ve taken up excess gum-chewing and lollipop-sucking to keep my mouth busy instead. It feels great to have been successful at quitting something that was such a regular habit for me for the past 5 years! I really didn’t think it would be possible…

No other big news… just going to class, studies, pubs, and enjoying the great company. I miss home a lot… all my friends are just now starting up at school and it feels strange not to be there with them. I’m happy now that I am starting to feel at home here though, and it makes the homesickness less. 

More to come soon!

Quitting

It was a fantastic weekend. Really feel as though I lived it fully… a great feeling.

Sunday I was up before 8am and met up with the crew at 9:30 at the bus stop on Grenfell Street. We took a (packed) bus up to Mount Lofty and did some hiking. We went up to the point and were able to see all of Adelaide! It was gorgeous!

After that we hiked some more over to Cleland National Park, also a wildlife park. We saw lots of animals and some beautiful scenery. It was a long and tiring, but amazing day full of beautiful sights and fantastic company.

I had seminar this morning at 11am for my philosophy course. We had to read, analyze, and summarize Kant’s writings on The Critique of Judgment. It was extremely complex and many of the sentences were paragraphs long! It seemed one had to read one sentence a dozen times to understand what he was saying, and I tried my best but ended up feeling really confused and overwhelmed. Next week I have to do a presentation on a section of Kant’s writing, and at this point I’m having trouble just understanding the main idea. Luckily the professor explained the main ideas to us and gave us some websites to find more info on it. I spent most of the afternoon in the library getting my stuff together for my Adaptation seminar tomorrow and gathering all possible info I could on Kant’s essay.

When seminar ended at 1pm I went to meet up with Rene and Jeff to go to the German Club meeting where they were making “gluhwein”, a spiced, warm wine that they drink in Germany during the winter months and especially over Christmas. I paid $5 and was able to join the club, which all my German friends are already in, and we spent the first part of the afternoon talking about how the Germans celebrate Christmas and what some of their typical traditions are for the holidays. It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed the mulled wine!

As I said, I spent the whole afternoon at the library with Nina and Rene. At 6pm we met up with Caroline and the 4 of us went to the Pancake House for dinner. Straight home after to get to sleep early.

Being abroad is a great time to get a whole new perspective on yourself, your country, and your life in general. You are put in a position where you know no one and are in a completely new, strange place… its scary, but exciting, and a great opportunity to learn from all different kinds of people. I feel it is a requirement to go into experiences like this with a completely open mind… willing to soak in everything and open yourself up to new ideas and new ways of looking at things. You can learn SO much.

There’s a lot about myself I would like to change. And what better time to change than now? There are a lot of things I have trouble with… a lot of things I need to work on. The list isn’t small. I suppose the main thing I am trying to work on is my stability… more specifically, my independence. That was one of the main reasons I decided to even look into studying abroad in the first place. I was aware I needed to work on this, and believed removing myself completely from my comfort and safety zone and going to spend 5 months in Australia would help me grow.

Over the weekend I decided to quit smoking.

Pretty unexpected for me… I’ve really never tried quitting… never really wanted to quit. Here in Australia, most of the people I hang out with don’t smoke, and those who did are now mostly quitting, mainly because of the high costs of cigarettes. I didn’t expect to, like I said, but after giving my support to those who quit and watching them go days and then weeks without having a cigarette, I guess I started thinking. There’s really no reason to smoke… It hurts your health and your wallet, and can be a real turn off to a lot of people. I cut back for the past week and ran out of the last pack I bought yesterday. I’m not going to buy another one.

I started smoking 5 years ago when I was 17. I was going through a transition phase in my life… at that point a lot of teenagers go through when they have to push every limit they can… challenge everything they know in order to follow that road to self-discovery. I’d always been a good kid… good grades, went to church, healthy lifestyle, great family and friends… it was a lot of things I’d say that ended up piling up on me throughout high school… insecurities… self-doubt… questioning EVERYthing. One day I just dropped the life I lived. I rebelled against all expectations of me… I changed into someone I thought was stronger, surer, and more independent. I dropped the friends I had, and picked up new ones… that’s when I picked up my first cigarette.

5 years later, thousands of cigarettes later, and thousands of dollars later… I believe I’m ready to be done. I’ve come a long way… I’ve made a lot of progress, and what better way to celebrate than quit the worst habit I have.

We’ll see how it goes… Like I said, I’ve never tried quitting before… but I’ve never WANTED to before. I want to be better… I want to be a better person. This is the beginning.

Wish me luck!

Anyhow, school tomorrow… dinner date with Nina and afterwards some Caroline time! Should be a good week!

Week 5

Week 5 in Adelaide is nearing an end. It was a very busy week with school and stuff with the International students, but today things have slowed down and I have a relaxing Saturday afternoon to myself. Of course I’m at my favorite spot in Adelaide… my coffee shop on Gouger. They have the most incredible ham, cheese, and tomato sandwiches… and I always get an iced coffee with extra espresso. Nothing like it.

Doris, Me, and Caroline

Like I said, it was a busy week. Monday after class Caroline cooked me dinner at her place in Urbanest. I am trying to learn some tips from her on how to cook things, since I have no idea how to make anything in the kitchen except for PBJ’s. We’re going to try and make dinner together once a week now, and maybe soon I’ll be able to cook for myself! After dinner we went to our friend Doris’. She’s French and was having a crepe night for all of our friends. We made tons of crepes and had some goon as well. It was a lot of fun. Tuesday I felt pretty sick and tired so I did some homework after class and went to bed early.

Wednesday was my busy day… up early, coffee, 2 lectures, lunch, and a seminar. Got home around 6 and ate some dinner. Around 8:30 my friend Karin, who also lives at the Village, was having all of us over to her place to celebrate her birthday. We had all put our money together and got her a huge card, some wine, and some small gifts. Everyone pitched in small treats and desserts, so that we had plenty of snacks and sweets. We had a great night with great company and I went to bed that night feeling as if I had a family here.

Karin and I :)

Thursday I was able to sleep in, then had one seminar at 3pm. At 7, we all met up to get dinner together in China Town. We went to an Asian restaurant that had a turn-table thing in the middle of the table, so we were all able to order something different, and then share it all. I got to try a little bit of everything. That night we all went to ESN pub night at the Cumberland.

Eating kangaroo!

 Friday I got some work done during the day and emailed my sibs my weekly/daily email. That evening we were having a “kangaroo BBQ”, so we were only able to bring kangaroo. We had pasta salad, potatoes, goon, and kangaroo steaks for dinner. I thought it was great! Some of my friends didn’t feel the same though.

That evening was another International Student Party at the Garage Bar called “Chocolate Party”. We all had to bring a bar of chocolate with us to the party and they had games and contests and stuff there. We had a great time.

Champagne at the Chocolate Party

Today, like I said, I’m relaxing. The sun is shining and its pretty warm out. Over sixty degrees. I’ll probably do some grocery shopping after this and then will be meeting up with Caroline and Martin a little bit later to have dinner. This evening we’re going to Doris’ again for some drinks and hanging out together.

After much insisting from my sister, KC, I finally got pictures of my living space to put up. So, Basey, here’s where I’m living…

The townhomes

This is a view of the townhomes at the Village. I’m in building 10. Normally, the townhomes have 5 people in them, but we only have 3 girls in ours. Jenny, from DC, is on the bottom floor, I am on the second floor, the kitchen and living room are on the 3^rd floor, and Laura, from England, is up on the top floor along with the balcony.

Living room

My bedroom

My bedroom is small, but nice. I don’t really have any decorations or anything, so its kind of lacking in personality I’d say. I have my bathroom connected to the bedroom, so that’s really great. I like having my privacy within my living space.

Kitchen

Its nice living at the Village. Its University accommodation, so its all students living there. There are laundry facilities, common areas, and a reception desk in the lobby, where they are more than willing to help you with anything at any time. Though there are lots of rules about checking guests in and out and no alcohol in the common areas, they seem to be relatively laid back, as long as you aren’t causing trouble.

Playing cards in my kitchen

It’s a bit of a far walk to Uni.. about 20 minutes or so.. but its just about a 5 minute walk from Central Market and Coles (the grocery), so that’s really nice. They also have a good bus system, so if its raining its pretty easy to grab a free bus ride to Uni.

Anyhow, things are going great. Being busy is really great… no time to get homesick or feel lonely. The days are flying by…

My boys :)

Perfection?

And so week 3 of classes begins.

Woke up around 7:45 Monday morning to get to Uni by 10am. My first class wasn’t till 11, but the State library (right next to campus), opens at 10 and Oliver wanted to get there early. He didn’t have any courses for the day, but was planning on camping out there at the library from 10am till they closed at 6pm to get some work done. He’s taking a very intense workload. He and I got coffee there at the library and I did some readings, then at 10:45 I left for my philosophy seminar, which was from 11am-1pm.

Our professor began the class by talking about pleasure and why we received pleasure from observing certain things. She also explained to us the idea of ‘perfection’ and how the definition differed between the rationalist philosophers versus the empiricists. What exactly is perfection? What is pleasure? I’ve discovered in the topics of philosophy, which are usually very complex and elaborate, it is always good to begin by simply defining what each idea/word means in the context.

So I asked myself the question: “What gives me pleasure?” And I came up with a short list of the first things that came to my mind: Good food, kissing, music, pleasing others, feeling loved, succeeding at something, sunshine/warmth, being touched tenderly, feeling beautiful, a glass of good red wine, cats, the smell of old books, romance, feeling the wind in my hair, and driving. I had this list within 5 minutes… looked at it… and asked myself why those experiences gave me pleasure. Some make me feel happiness, some make me feel valued. Some are just for the sheer enjoyment or entertainment. Some of them move me… make me feel ALIVE.

What about perfection? What is “perfect”? How does one judge it? Is it a critics place to judge what is “perfect” or beautiful? Is perfection judging something on what it SHOULD be… aka a “perfect” example of what it is meant to be?

We got into our groups (I’m in group #3 with Ben, Jesse, and Brittney) and we had to discuss some questions about perfection. 1. Is it possible to observe perfection and not be moved by it? And 2. Have you ever seen a film or other object that you thought was perfect but which you did not like or at least had no effect on you?

My group discussed the meaning of perfection and the meaning of “being moved” by something. We decided that “flawless” things do exist, but may not necessarily “move” you. Like a perfect apple, for example, which doesn’t have much meaning to me. But on the other hand, we also realized that the beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. If someone has extensive knowledge on a certain thing, in their expertise of how that thing came about, they may be extremely moved by a perfect object which may mean very little to someone else. Back to my apple, for example… someone who works at an orchard for a living and has extensively studied apples and experienced all sorts of apples and has all this knowledge of apples and how they are made may have a deep appreciation for a perfect apple that the average person may not have the knowledge to appreciate. And, therefore, the perfection of something may be more concrete, but the appreciation for the beauty of that perfection may vary depending on the individual and their history and knowledge.

It was a very interesting talk and I really enjoyed listening to the others in my group and hearing their perspectives.

After class ran into Jean-Francois, (aka Jeff), and we got lunch at the Mayo Café. At 3 I had my Adaptation lecture and we discussed the movie Sleepy Hollow and how it compared to the novel, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. I had never seen the movie or read the book, so I had to do both over the weekend. When I hear The Legend of Sleepy Hollow all that comes to my mind is the movie we used to watch for Halloween when we were kids; a short, animated version of the story.

After lecture I went back over to the library to relax and get some work done for classes. At 6pm I went over to Urbanest to have dinner with Caroline and afterwards over to Doris’ to have some true French crepes for dessert!

Yet another busy week ahead… I’m tired. Feel behind in my classes already. I think I need to be more organized. I should have an agenda or something… usually I keep a calendar in my journal that I write due dates and to-do lists in, but since I’ve been keeping this blog, I haven’t been journaling as much. Ever since 7^th grade I’ve kept a journal… wrote in them on a daily basis throughout middle school and high school, and at least 2 or 3 times weekly once I started college and had less free time. I’ve filled dozens of them… mostly with my ramblings… excess emotions I need to get out… a place to vent, or to just organize my thoughts out. Sometimes I simply write what I did that day. Back in high school when I had a lot of pent up emotion and a lot more free time, I tried writing poetry a lot. Kind of lost time to do that after graduating though… I miss it sometimes. Its just really time consuming I guess… Always began with a word or phrase I liked… or a strong emotion or feeling about something I felt I wanted to express. Just one little inspiration and then a lot of free form writing on it and afterwards the structuring.

Anyhow, my journal is just for me. Its like my rock… I can’t imagine not having it. Its like a part of me. My words… my inner self. There’s nothing I can’t say in it… nothing I can’t admit… share… no matter the shame, the guilt, or the acceptability. Its nice to have a place you can be completely honest with yourself. I feel it is a good practice for anyone. You are allowed to face the truth… of what you feel… what you think… what you desire… what you wish. You face the truth of yourself.

I suppose my journaling is what began my love for writing. It helped me develop my “voice” as a writer.

I should get some homework done now.

1 Month

Today marks my 4 week anniversary in Adelaide. I arrived here 4 weeks ago today… I’ve now lived in Australia for 1 month.

1 month away from home… without Starbucks… without my cell phone… my friends… my family… my kitty… This is a first for me. The longest I’ve ever spent outside Indiana was a week and a half in France with my parents. As far as being on my own, never. Sure, back home I live in my own place on campus during school, so its not like I’ve never lived on my own… but my family is still just a half hour away, and I see them still quite frequently. Basically, this is all brand new to me. I had no idea how I would handle being on my own, living on the other side of the world, basically stuck for 5 months. I’ve never been the adventurous one. I’m happy just hanging out at home all the time… going out with my friends… watching movies and eating kettle korn… going for drives… hanging out at Starbucks… I like feeling safe. I like surrounding myself with people who know and love me. I like comfort. Belonging. Routine.

At the State Fair last summer

1 month ago I gave it all up. A month ago I got on a plane heading to a place I didn’t know, with no people I knew. So out of character for me. So new. So scary. I still really can’t believe it. I still really feel as though I have no idea how I ended up here. 2 months ago I was planning out my summer… was going to be taking a couple summer classes.. living in my city.. working at Starbucks.. planning trips to the drive-in, bonfires with my friends, concerts, going to the State Fair, corn on the cob, catching lightning bugs, swimming, ice cream, fireworks, getting tan… Just like every summer. Every summer in Indiana. I wasn’t sure about this trip… this adventure. I’d miss my summer… my beautiful, free summer. What was it that really changed my mind? When did I decide that I was gonna do this? Was it that fight with my best friend? When that guy rejected me? When I had to wake up at 5am yet again for work? Was it just the last straw at some point? All of a sudden, I was just ready to go… take off… get away. All of a sudden I was ready to leave everything I loved and valued and go to Australia for a semester.

It doesn’t feel like a month really. I feel like I’ve been here for much longer. Just 4 little weeks… the first week was great. I was on a high… thrilled to be here… every turn was something new and exciting. I met so many new people and got introduced to the campus. Second week we took some day trips… I explored the city further… I started getting to know the other international students better. Week 3 was a little rough. The homesickness really hit me… I felt very alone in a strange place. We started classes… I got lost… I missed my city… I missed my friends… Week 4, second week of classes, I felt much better. Really had the hang of Uni and found a routine that really worked for me. Friendships also reached a new level at this point.

International Students!

Over the last 4 weeks I’d met TONS of new people from all over. Somehow I managed to find a wonderful group of international students, all of whom are caring, fun, interesting, amazing people. What began as just a bunch of acquaintances has grown into genuine friendships, and I am so happy that I have them. To truly get to know a person takes time… and mutual experiences… and shared disclosure. I was nervous about not being able to get close to anyone here. I was nervous about finding real friends to care about me. 4 weeks here and I now know I have nothing to worry about.

1 month here and I’m starting to feel comfortable. Does it feel like home yet? No, but its getting there. I feel now like I belong. That I am no longer a stranger here. I know this city… I know people… I have great classes… I have a great place to live. The semester has just begun… I’m sure its only a matter of time before I feel at home here in Adelaide.

My Stubby

I wonder how home is… I wonder what my friends are up to… I wonder what’s going on in Indianapolis. Last night I had a dream that I woke up and was home. With my family. I can’t even express how much I miss them… Mom and Dad… Al, KC, and Tee. My Stubby. Dusty.

Dusstttyyyy

I wish I could just go home… just for a day. I want to have family dinner… I want to chase Dusty around the house… I want to go for a bro-sis date to Paradise Café… I want to watch a chick flick with my sisters… I want a cup of Starbucks coffee… I want to go for a bike ride on the canal and go to Zonies with my friends. Just 24 hours.

My wonderful family :)

2 of my best friends in the world

My life is here now… I know that. I will make the most of my time here… its just hard sometimes. Hard to be away from those I love… hard to be away from everything I know.

Eating dinner

Its good for me though. This is good for me. This is a great opportunity and I’m so happy I am able to be here. And I am SO proud of myself. 

Nicky Lawrence?

It was a great 2^nd week of school. Beautiful weather.. getting the hang of classes.. meeting new people… Wednesday I was up early again, went to my Passions lecture and then my Beauty: Pleasures and Principles lecture.

In my Passions lecture we talked about Catharsis.. the release of emotions resulting in a sense of cleansing or relief. Throughout history the meaning of the word has changed many times, and we talked about all the different interpretations of the word and what it had been used for. In my next lecture we talked about critics of beauty and what makes them a true critic. Do we need a critic, or guide, to tell us what is truly beautiful? Or does taste depend on the individual… “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”?

I had my last workshop of the day from 3-5 for my Australia anthropology class. After that, I headed home to relax for awhile before some of my friends and I went to the pub for some drinks. Thursday I was able to sleep in a bit, since I only had one seminar from 3-5pm for Passions. The first half was basically just an introduction to the course and what we should expect from the next 10 weeks. We then got into groups of 4 or 5 and the professor gave us a list of the 6 basic emotions… joy, distress, anger, fear, surprise, and disgust. Within our groups we were to come up with clichés associated with each emotion. For example, for the emotion ‘joy’ we came up with “bursting with joy”, “tears of joy”, “walking on sunshine”, “on top of the world”, and “on cloud 9”. For ‘fear’ we came up with “paralyzed with fear”, “hair standing on end”, scared to death”, “frozen with fear”, “racing heart”, and “cold sweat”. For ‘anger’, “boiling with rage”, “hot-headed”, “fire in your eyes”, and “short-tempered”. We compared all these cliché phrases and sayings and discussed why we use particular kinds of words to describe specific emotions. Why is it we associate certain body parts, colors, temperatures, and directions with certain emotions? Why are we ‘frozen’ with fear? Why are we ‘boiling’ with rage? Why are we ‘on top of the world’ or ‘down in the dumps’? Why do we ‘have the blues’ or are ‘green with envy’?

It was a good class, and I think I’ll really enjoy that professor, though I didn’t really click with the other students. I’m really looking forward to what this course has to offer.

Thursday evening we met up for some pool and cheap boxed wine (also known as ‘goon’ and very popular with the young Australians). This weekend I don’t have any particular plans. Earlier this week some of the international students were trying to organize a day trip to Mount Lofty and Cleland National Park for Saturday, but we may have to postpone it due to the rainy weather. We’ll see. Woke up this Friday morning around 11 and laid around for a couple hours watching The Office and eating breakfast. It was a beautiful afternoon so I walked over to my coffee shop on Gouger Street (about a ten minute walk from The Village) and had some coffee and ‘Me Time’. My Passions professor recommended an author to us in class this week, so I decided to look him up, as he sounded very interesting. D.H. Lawrence. I browsed through a site with some quotes by him and do believe I’ve found my soul mate of another lifetime. Here are some of his quotes I loved:

**********************************

"Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot."

"One must learn to love, and go through a good deal of suffering to get to it, and the journey is always towards the other soul."

"I should feel the air move against me, and feel the things I touched, instead of having only to look at them. I'm sure life is all wrong because it has become much too visual - we can neither hear nor feel nor understand, we can only see. I'm sure that is entirely wrong."

"For my part, I prefer my heart to be broken.It is so lovely, dawn-kaleidoscopic within the crack."

"It was not the passion that was new to her, it was the yearning adoration. She knew she had always feared it, for it left her helpless; she feared it still, lest if she adored him too much, then she would lose herself, become effaced, and she did not want to be effaced, a slave, like a savage woman. She must not become a slave. She feared her adoration, yet she would not at once fight against it."

"It's no good trying to get rid of your own aloneness. You've got to stick to it all your life. Only at times, at times, the gap will be filled in. At times! But you have to wait for the times. Accept your own aloneness and stick to it, all your life. And then accept the times when the gap is filled in, when they come. But they've got to come. You can't force them."

"I like to write when I feel spiteful. It is like having a good sneeze."

"If we sip the wine, we find dreams coming upon us out of the imminent night"

"Those that go searching for love only make manifest their own lovelessness, and the loveless never find love, only the loving find love, and they never have to seek for it."

"...no form of love is wrong, so long as it is love, and you yourself honour what you are doing. Love has an extraordinary variety of forms! And that is all there is in life, it seems to me. But I grant you, if you deny the variety of love you deny love altogether. If you try to specialize love into one set of accepted feelings, you wound the very soul of love. Love must be multi-form, else it is just tyranny, just death"

"Love is never a fulfillment. Life is never a thing of continuous bliss. There is no paradise. Fight and laugh and feel bitter and feel bliss: and fight again. Fight, fight. That is life."

"Life is ours to be spent, not to be saved."

***********************************

-D.H. Lawrence….

    …I wonder if he has a great-grandson.

Finding Routine

Tuesday was great.. I had Adaptation seminar in the morning from 11am-1pm and my Aussie anthro lecture from 2-3. The seminar went well… one student did a presentation on the movie Memento and the short story Memento Mori, which the movie was based on. The story involves a man whose wife is killed and he gets short-term memory loss and is determined to find the murderer and seek his revenge. Afterwards we had class discussion activities on it… mostly about memories and how they shape our identity.

I guess I don’t really understand that word… identity. Is it simply the idea of the person we are? How we “identify” ourselves? Is it simply a label, like ‘daughter’, ‘friend’, ‘student’, ‘American citizen’, or is it more personality descriptions like ‘spontaneous’, ‘short-tempered’, or ‘compassionate’? Dictionary.com had a few definitions of ‘Identity’:

1.     1. the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another: He doubted his own identity.

2.     2. condition or character as to who a person or what a thing is: a case of mistaken identity.

3.     3. the state of having unique identifying characteristics held by no other person or thing.

So my identity is simply being who I am. Specifically. Physically and mentally. I suppose then my answer to the question, do memories shape our identity, is yes, because who would we be without our unique memories and experiences that take part in shaping the person we are? ‘Nicky’, is not just a name… but an entire person… Simply the name of my identity. And that identity consists of everything I define myself by… everything that makes up who I am.

After class I met up with Oliver to go, once again, to the Mayo Café to get my wrap for lunch. I got up to the counter and the lady said “Wrap with salami, tomatoes, lettuce, and cream cheese with a little bit of caesar?” She had remembered what I ordered! I was thrilled to pieces, said “yes please!”, and didn’t stop smiling for the next hour. It was the first time that has happened to me here.

Back home I live such a routine during school… most places around campus recognize me and several know exactly what I plan to order. Every morning I get my Starbucks on campus where they know my name and drink… for lunch I go to get my salad from Wild Greens… and often for dinner I get my Number 4, no sprouts, easy-mayo from Jimmy Johns. They even know my drink at some of the bars we regular. It’s the sense of recognition and belonging that comes from these experiences that makes a place start to feel like home. It also shows me how much I rely on routine… whether that be a good or bad thing.  I suppose, in a way, it holds me back from trying new things and stepping out of my comfort zone… but it also gives me a great sense of safety and comfort. Being here in a new city on the other side of the world, I am forced to try ONLY new things, until I find that routine of which I’m guaranteed to fall into.

Oliver and I went down to the river to eat lunch and chat before our classes. In my Australia anthropology lecture I sat with Jeff, Doris, and Jenny. It was good, but uneventful. Afterwards met up with Nina for a bit then headed back to the Village to drop off my school stuff. It was a gorgeous afternoon… sunny and over 70 degrees. How can they call this winter?? This afternoon I bought my first pack of cigarettes here for $15… the tax on tobacco here is huge! I’m going to have to cut back significantly or maybe even quit. Australia seems to greatly discourage smoking as a habit, as I understand from the disgusting pictures they place on each pack of heart disease, black lungs, and dead fetuses… all caused by smoking.

They are also MUCH more environmentally conscious here than back home. Every trash can has a place to put your cigarette butts, there are recycling bins everywhere, and most bathrooms don’t even offer paper towels.. only hand dryers. Even in the grocery stores, you have to pay 15 cents for each grocery bag you use, and they have signs encouraging you to bring your own! Australia, as opposed to the U.S., seems to want a clean planet and good health for all… instead of just happily using up every resource and making money off those with addictive habits. The more I hear other international students’ perspectives on the United States, the more I realize about the country I call home.

Now I find myself back at my coffee shop on Gouger Street.. drinking iced tea instead of coffee to avoid having trouble sleeping tonight. I have had a lot of trouble sleeping well here thus far.. usually taking forever to fall asleep and waking up multiple times during the night. I suppose its caused by sleeping in a strange place that’s not home… I hope this goes away soon. Tomorrow is my big day… 2 lectures and a workshop, 11am-5pm. It will be a busy day.

Glenelg Beach and Aussie Football Game

It was a really fun weekend in Adelaide. Friday was a perfect rainy day when I woke up, so I headed over to T bar to hang out, do some writing, and get a coffee and some lunch. My friend, Nina (from Germany), texted me and asked me if I wanted to grab some coffee, so she headed over to join me at T-bar. Afterwards, we walked over to Uni to go get some work and printing done at the library. Around 5pm we went to Woolworths do get some groceries then headed home. At around 7pm I met up with my friends Mikel and Daniel (both Dutch) at Coles to get some stuff to cook dinner. We went over to Caroline’s (from Canada) place at Urbanest (really nice student accommodation) and the boys cooked us dinner.

We met up with some of the other International students after dinner and headed to the International Student Party at 9 or so. We had a lot of fun there and got to meet up with all of our friends and make new ones as well.

Saturday afternoon Caroline, Doris (from France), Martin (from Germany), and I decided to go to Glenelg Beach because it was such a gorgeous day and it was almost 70 degrees out. We met at the tram and paid $4.70 for a day-trip ticket to go to the beach and back.

The tram ride was about 20 minutes and we arrived at the beach around 2pm. We first headed to the beach and walked along it till we reached a stretch of huge boulders that led out off the shore. Someone (Caroline) was determined to get the end, so we made our way over the slanted, slippery rocks like a maze. It was really scary but really fun.

After that we were all hungry so we went to a little sandwich/salad/wrap place to get a late lunch.

And of course afterwards we had to get ice cream.

We decided to stay for the sunset, so we wandered around the town and checked out the shops till the sunset around 6pm. It was phenomenal.

Sunday I woke up early and met up with Daniel, Mikel, Sarah, Mark, Lisa, Nathalia, Karin, Flora, and Elyse at the bus stop. Mikel had organized a trip to an Aussie Football match in advance, so we were all able to get seats together. It was the Adelaide Crows versus Port Adelaide Power.

I don’t really understand the rules of the game… basically seems like a mixture of football, soccer, and volleyball… which is really strange. They don’t wear any padding or protection like in American football, and the strangest difference of all was actually that they don’t separate the fans. All the fans are put in the same section, no matter which team they are rooting for. That surprised me the most.

The field is a big circle and each team has a 3-part goal on either side. They can score either 1 point at a time, or if they get it in the middle goal without it hitting the ground or poles its 6 points. They can kick the ball, hit it like a volleyball, or toss it to each other and run with it. I’m not sure which scenarios allow which.. it all seemed rather complicated.

My friends and I rooted for the Crows, just because we heard they were the best and, sure enough, they won the game pretty significantly. After the game we took the long bus ride back to the city then got dinner at the Pancake House, which was delicious.

Monday was back to school for the start of week 2 of classes and week 4 in Adelaide. It was a great weekend and I’m sure it will be a great week as well.